Pic's and poetry

It was a very sleepless night for me, and it will be tonight too.I was here on this blog working like a fiend. I actually haven't been able to weigh in today, not till my father heads out for work to the late night shift. Graveyard late. I spent the better part of this morning kicking myself. I was so late, and nearly missed class. Which I can not do, again. I failed the test from it, and my Ex was being quite an asshole. This friends thing isn't worth the stress. I had been clean for days and only a few hours with him, had me at my limit. 

Where every bump and bruise was a heaven in it's hell. I couldn't quite sneak off all the time and everytime he pushed my buttons. So I was a bit of a "clumsy" girl today. Once I was able to make it to the bathroom, I spent a little time with my favorite lover. I carry tools with me everywhere for this exact reason. My skin has been so dry lately it was like slicing through leather. The old wounds aren't really healing to well either.

There was only a little good news for me. A fire interrupted my boring bio class and I got to stand out in the warm sun for 30 mins. It's an ice box in my school. I needed the exercise. At least I was in lab and can stand at my table for the 3 hours. Every calorie counts. I was on a poetry kick standing outside doing nothing but warming up. I wrote one that is supposed to be about a un-calm mind.

Freaking CLICK
( Its a weird title yes I know)
Fires flying fluent,
frequent
Currents
flowing free.
Lightning flashing faster,
fanning flames
Invisibly.
Forever
Calling fears for
Knowing
fact from fantasy.
Falling, flailing, failing
fight filled finale

After all of that, I spotted a girl that goes to morning lecture with me. I don't really know her, but I'd never seen her without a jacket. She was teenier than me. Her waist was so small, as well as her shoulders. If she's and ana/mia, I'm not sure. But all I could do as we walked to the same building was, "I want her to be my thinspiration." She was very pretty and I had never seen anything like that around me. Pictures are one thing, but sitting beside a true thins-pro girl is much more motivating. 

I only ate 5 sushi, some green tea and water today. Tomorrow may mean eating with friends though. We are going to look to buy things for a small party we're throwing for Halloween and then we're off to a night time corn maze. I'm excited about the amount of walking that will entail. The dinner is what may get me.

This is what I hate about binges and eating in general. The hunger comes back so much stronger. At least I am getting tired and I'm to tired to eat. Until I get to 92lb, I don't want to eat anything. Once I get there I'll start the small calorie intake again. Looking around though lately, as I said that I wanted to be 85, I've been thinking of lower still. I don't feel that thin. I still have fat in my midsection and thighs. I feel like I lost every pound in my face. I took some sucky pictures on my lappy's web-cam. Once my cell is fixed I can take good pics.