This will be pretty fast since I have to run to class in a few. I will come back and edit this later. Yesterday I made it through on nothing but water and one peice of gum. Cal intake for the day was 5. I went to my friends house, waled a lot. Tried not to eat anything, which was hella hard with everyone trying to get me to eat. Then we played the Wii. I got to burn some extra cals with just dance. I was 93 again! yesterday.
Today is 92lbs! Yay. I feel bad being happy since I shouldn't have been in the 90's in the first place. I was considering cutting my fast short to only a week but I will see when I get there, if I'm not at least to goal 2 85lbs the fast will contiune. I wonder if I can drop 7 pounds within that time. It would be really nice. I'd have to drop 2 pound in one day though, which would be hard as hell. I want to restrict my water intake just for that, but that sounds dangerous. Maybe not. Water is all that gets me through. I'm getting my splenda today so I can have my green tea. Metabolism boost! Maybe that will hope.
I'm so depressed having had gained. I will be strong. I will make it through, if it kills me. I won't eat.
-Later-
Um..today was some day. I haven't weighed in, I'll wait till the morning, and I haven't got the rest of my exercise yet either. Well for starters my ex gave me a mini intervention. People have been noticing I don't eat, my clothes aren't fitting right and that I have lost weight. But he defended and insulted me all at once. He tried to give me the benifit of the doubt and said to my other friends that it wasn't true. He said because he knows I'm ot that stupid...
Really thanks, and for a brief moment I actually was willing to confide in you about it. Whatever I don't feel like stopping, I can't I just wouldn't be able to deal.
It kind of sucks though. I have to be extra careful now, I have to start getting super sneaky. I'll pick up empty wrappers and throw them out in front of people to make it look like I ate. He said he was having a hard time defending me until I actually ate in front of them. Damn, that's gonna be hard with this fast. I may have an intermission in the fast then continue. It will be hard not to binge. I nearly binged today. I was chew spitting and I went for more stuff, I stopped at the second bite. No swallowing and I rinsed out my mouth and brushed.
But the big stupid thing I did was tell my ex I wanted to get back together. It was very emotional. We kissed, well I kissed him. He said he wasn't sure, that he doesn't want to get hurt or to hurt me. So I'm a million itty bitty pieces atm. I'm motivated to move by sheer control of this fragile little body of mine. Shirk away to nothing already damn it!
-Later-
Um..today was some day. I haven't weighed in, I'll wait till the morning, and I haven't got the rest of my exercise yet either. Well for starters my ex gave me a mini intervention. People have been noticing I don't eat, my clothes aren't fitting right and that I have lost weight. But he defended and insulted me all at once. He tried to give me the benifit of the doubt and said to my other friends that it wasn't true. He said because he knows I'm ot that stupid...
Really thanks, and for a brief moment I actually was willing to confide in you about it. Whatever I don't feel like stopping, I can't I just wouldn't be able to deal.
It kind of sucks though. I have to be extra careful now, I have to start getting super sneaky. I'll pick up empty wrappers and throw them out in front of people to make it look like I ate. He said he was having a hard time defending me until I actually ate in front of them. Damn, that's gonna be hard with this fast. I may have an intermission in the fast then continue. It will be hard not to binge. I nearly binged today. I was chew spitting and I went for more stuff, I stopped at the second bite. No swallowing and I rinsed out my mouth and brushed.
But the big stupid thing I did was tell my ex I wanted to get back together. It was very emotional. We kissed, well I kissed him. He said he wasn't sure, that he doesn't want to get hurt or to hurt me. So I'm a million itty bitty pieces atm. I'm motivated to move by sheer control of this fragile little body of mine. Shirk away to nothing already damn it!
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