Out of the pantry

This is so strange for me. I should be feeling like super crap because I'm like 90lbs now. Today was a binge fest. My stomach is aching like crazy from it too. I've had well over 2000 cals, in fact I think it was about 3000, purging probably brought me down to 2500 but I'm going to count it as 3000.

I'm blinded by strange happiness regardless. I'm gonna have to super restict from now on but today I confessed.

I came out of the ED closet...

(the pantry?)

I told my ex everything, about my ED. 

About restricting to 500 cals or less a day.

About binging and purging.

About working out for hours everyday. 

About lossing at least 20 pounds since it got so bad.

About having disordered eating for years.

The greatest feeling ever was when he was so...

supportive.

He listened, asked questions, tried to understand and relate, and if I could cry anymore I might have out of pure joy.I was so scared to let myself be so vulnerable. For once it didn't blow up in my face. He did make a few jokes to lighten the mood, but got very serious if he thought he offended me. He was so careful about everything. It's too bad I binged in front of him no less. We ate pizza, and he was trying to get me to eat. He said he would try to be helpful but that I had to eat something. He even helped me count some calories. Though I wanted him to stop me all together, he was like "If you're hungry, eat." When I started to binge he tried to distract me though. It helped a lot, I didn't purge while I was there and I was able to stop that binge with him. He said he'd help me not binge and purge but he wouldn't approve of me not eating at all.

He opened up to me too, and we talked for hours. He apologized for over reacting and explained to me how he was upset over a lot of things. He was understanding about why I was so mad about eating alone.

He spent a good time trying to convince me that I wasn't fat, that he thought I was pretty, and just hugging me. We talked about how our feelings for each other and he's still confused but he cares a lot about me, but doesn't want to hurt either me or his girlfriend. 

I don't know what is going to happen but I'm still going to try to stay close to him. Today we are eating lunch together and we promised not to get mad at each other.
I'm having a 170 meal only today.

Friday I'm gonna hang out with him while he babysits his nephews and then sleep over his house. I'm gonna bring a peach and a soup to eat while I'm there and I just feel so much better having him know. I'm able to be myself now, open with him.

I have some questions for you guys.

Have you told anyone, or does anyone know about your ED? 

How do they feel about it?

Is it good or bad for you?

Thanks for all the support guys. Things are looking up, I'm not letting the weight gain get me down, and I actually have support from someone in my life with this. I just hope it keeps going well.
 -later-
I decided to add a 90 cal vita-muffin for breakfast so I'm not terribly hungry all day.
I felt ok to do that when I checked my weight. 89lbs again, I need to work hard from now on.