Reward day = scary + Walden farms

This morning isn't so bad, given it's raining outside and I have to braid my hair like a grade school-er. I look 12 as it is. But Rain, shine or what ever my weight is still 89lbs. I'm so damn happy. I don't know how I managed to do that after having 600 cals yesterday. I made it through the night with out snacking. Got my normal work out in too, this time I added in some leg lifts because my lower abs feel neglected. I still feel fat though. Taking a shower I was like, that scale has to be wrong. Once I go to my mother's house and check with her awesome scale, thats when I'll really know, but that won't be for weeks. Weeks for me to lose the weight I need to lose.

For breakfast now is a 3rd of an apple I'm just gonna say like (40 cals) it's supposed to be like 20 something, but I'm round up because I'm not sure how much I really cut, it's supposed to be like a 3rd, it feels like half...I don't know. I'll just always assume I'm having more cals and try to restrict more because of it. Then I'm drinking my green tea and taking a vitamin. Today is reward day, I'm not sure what kind of chocolate I want to get. My limit is 250 cals. I might end up getting 2 100 cal snack packs and calling it a day. I want my total intake to stay at 300 or lower today. Less being better. Chocolate covered pretzels? Something cake-y? A fiber one bar? I only have $2.50 to my name so the options are limited. I mean cals run for 1-5 cents a piece, I was bored and did the math. Sometimes it's higher, if its an up scale place. Whatever, I'll see how that goes. 

I've hit a bit of a snag with safety food. My family isn't going shopping till the 15th...I'm gonna be stuck with junk for like 2 weeks, and thanksgiving is coming, what am I gonna do? 

Extreme portion control ...

and pray somehow my dad can pass me some cash every once in a while so I can buy a salad or something, cause I'm broke ass broke. I really don't want to eat junk food, but like that's all they buy. All they buy! I mean I've been circling these "cookie dough pop tarts" for days, cause I'm a fiend for cookie dough. 200 cals a pastry...really? I can eat like 4 and I'd be dead or purging for my life.

I'm worried about today, about treating myself for reaching goal one. I can't wait to reach goal two because I get my pretzel time pretzel! so many cals at once but It's all I'll eat that day. I still feel scared though. I hope I don't shake again I'm always shaking around food now. It's so sad, to be terrified by something that is supposed to be good. 

"Quod me nutrit me destruit"

 I mean come on though, freaking salaad, who shakes for salad.

Me I guess. 

I'm resolved to bring my own dressing from now on, since mine is 1 cal a spray and places like Panera bread have like dressings for 130-60 cas a serving, no thanks.

Grr 388cals!
Might as well just treat it like 400!
I couldn't find something exactly 150 cals so I bought a bag of milk chocolate flips. I ate the whole bag though (260), but on top of that I got the 100 cal pack of cakesters. Surprisingly it was only 50 cents, while the bag of flips I got was 125. Tomorrow I'll get another 100 cal snack pack, for 50 cents, that's pretty good. If I could I'd get my 80 cal salad too, but that ain't gonna happen. the salad is like $2.60, so snack pack only tomorrow, which is good to have only 100 cal intake. I hope I'm doing well weight loss wise. I wish we had pickles in my house that would be a great breakfast...sigh. It's hard to eat safely now, I'm not good with leaving the bag half full. I'll eat it all, that's why I like pre-portioned packages. Because I am so weak.
No more cals today please, I just got to 89 I don't want to go back to 90! I won't, I can't!
No more cals.
None!
0.

Oh I just found out that walden farms products can be found at pathmark. I'm so going to check it out. I'll be doing a reiview once I get my hands on some, muh hahah, 0 calorie products....
I
Am
So
In!