Back to work

Well I'm back home now. Feeling really fat. How was it even possible to gain 10 pounds in a week's time? Am I going crazy?

Well I'm fasting for today, green tea and water, lots of water. My stomach was so bloated for days, from eatting way to much. My mother was trying to stuff me like the turkey. She had all my favorite food there too. I didn't eat much turkey at all, like a slice smaller than my palm of white meat. I pilled on the veggies, had too much sweet potato and the desserts got me, pie, cookies icecream...

Breakfasts cereal, bowls upon bowls, and waffles.I love my mother but she can end me.

Before I left her house all I had was some shrimp  cocktail at like 4pm, so I won't eat until after 5pm today. A good 24 hour fast my be good. I'm still bloated. I haven't been drinking much water, and I don't think I've used a mucle to exercise in a week.

I was 96-98lbs all through out the rime I spent at my mom's. I cried when I saw it shoot all the way up to 104, but I was fully clothed, so it was still about 98lbs. Either way, triple digits isn't happeneding here.

I weighted in before I left my mom's house at 96lbs. My scale at home said the same.

This morning it says 93lbs.

That feels so fat to me.

My ex was really mad we found out my sister who is 11 going on 12 is 96lbs. And my dog..he's around 100lbs.

Why am I the only one happy about it?

My ex wants me to go back up to 100lbs.

I can't do that. the 90's upset me.

 I chewed off all my nails nevrously tring to choose food to eat at fast food places while I was by my mom's.

As for me and my ex generally, its strange. We have been so close and lovey dovey. We were calling eachother babe. huging, cuddling, kissing...and so on XD

My family doesn't know we have broken up. They love him.

He's still torn. He says he regrets getting involved with his GF. Now he cares about her too, but also wants to be with me. There are things that bother him about her. Like thats shes alittle too hyper, too childish, has a 4-5pm cerfew, and he can't meet her parents (She can't date or something) not to mention that she doesn't tell him anything, and tells his other friend a bunch of stuff that's going on with her. When we were leaving and he dropped her off at her house she started to cry.

I feel bad for her, she's young and kinda head over heels for him, but I love him too. I've got 5 years under mybelt. I know this man better than most other people.

My heart has been shattered and crushed for too long. I'm not letting anything stop me from fixing it again. I don't owe her anything. I'm not about to be creul. But I want him back, and so long as he is happy with that, then its gonns happen. If he wants to be with her, if that will make him happy, I'll step down. Until he tells me other wise though, I'm here to stay.