I want to take control because I just keep messing up all the time.
I'm so disgusted with myself. I binged this whole weekend. I'm at 89lbs now. I need to do damage control. I'm eating a vitamuffin and part of me doesn't even want to finish it, another part wants to go have like 7 bowls of cereal. What the hell is wrong with me?
Ok todays "plan" (if I don't mess it up),
Breakfast = Green tea w/ 1 splenda packet and a sugar free banana-nut vita muffin (90)
Lunch= Healthy Choice meal (260) and gum (5)
Total=365
Tomorrow I want to have only raw veggies and maybe a 90 cal fiber one bar. I bought celery, lettuce, tomatoes, raspberries, blueberries and pickles. I'll pick out some combination of those. I also got some large rice cakes that are 35 cals a piece and this laughing cow creamy swiss that is 35 cals a wedge. I might have that with a bit of tomato, I don't know. It depends if the scale is nicer tonight or in the morning.
Oh I'm usually on a 500 cals or less diet but I joined a group diet (get them back diet) Cause I'm just pissed off at a lot of people right now. I just want to drop a whole bunch anyways for thanksgiving. Being in a group might make it less difficult? I'm not sure, never tried it before. I want to be thin, I want the pain, I don't want people to notice if that makes sense, I just want to secretly have it to myself, that I've shrunk down to where I want to be spitefully. Not to blame anyone for it, but then again, everyone is always triggering me anyways. Maybe they are to blame, even if they don't know?
I'm thinking of adding a (90) cal fiber one bar to my plan today but I'm still not sure. I hate when I stress over my cal intake.
Oh I'm usually on a 500 cals or less diet but I joined a group diet (get them back diet) Cause I'm just pissed off at a lot of people right now. I just want to drop a whole bunch anyways for thanksgiving. Being in a group might make it less difficult? I'm not sure, never tried it before. I want to be thin, I want the pain, I don't want people to notice if that makes sense, I just want to secretly have it to myself, that I've shrunk down to where I want to be spitefully. Not to blame anyone for it, but then again, everyone is always triggering me anyways. Maybe they are to blame, even if they don't know?
I'm thinking of adding a (90) cal fiber one bar to my plan today but I'm still not sure. I hate when I stress over my cal intake.
:(((( I know how you feel about stressing over cals. i literally dream about calculators and amounts and have nightmares that I accidentally ate a yogurt that had like 200 cals instead of 50.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the gain, I am sure that it is just waste/water, and that it will slip off in no time!!
Don't feel bad about that binge, it wasn't a big one :) It can easily be worked off :) xx
ReplyDeleteI hope the group diet goes well for you! And what you said about everyone always triggering you and wanting to shrink down out of spite....whoa this is me. I do a lot of this crap out of anger. And it really kicks off when someone triggers me in such a way. I feel ya.
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