Just Blehhh

I'm kind of conflicted. The weekend was good and bad. Like I enjoyed spending time with my ex, it was so great, we played around and seemed really clse and he actually wasn't talking to his girlfriend for once. On top of that I found out he's been lying about what happens when I sleep over. He says we don't sleep in the same bed...

>.<

I always wondered why she would be ok with me staying over. I asked him if she knew about that part. He said no. I couldn't contain my laughter. It's so bad, I mean it's not like we've slept together, but just having that makes me have an evil smile. Though my ex said he still was also interested in me that way, but he has tried anything, he's never been like that about sex. Which was something I always liked about him.

There were only two real problems over the past two days, what I ate...oh god what I ate and the fact that my ex was making way to many comments on when I didn't eat, what I ate and how skinny, thin, light, weak... anything that I was.

Yesterday wasn't too bad but I had started to binge and ended up purging. Today started out ok but we went out for dinner and my ex was getting mad saying I need to eat, I haven't eaten much of anything all day. He mad me have an appetizer, a meal and a dessert, and I couldn't stop myself. I came home and started binging, then I spent a half hour purging , and I don't think I've ever purged that much.

I feel so tired and drained right now. I don't want to step on the scale. I'm too scared. All my hard work is gone. I know it. I can't get out my scale tonight, and I was thinking that I shouldn't even in the morning. I was thinking of just fasting for 3 days. I probably will check. Perhaps it will motivate me more to fast. 

I don't even know, but it won't be till the morning anyway.

@ Broken- I know it may be bad for me...maybe I do. I really want to be with him, I care so much. We are doing so much better and he really cares about me. I'm still unsure what to do, but thank you anyways. I wish I could just tell him to choose but I'm to scared he'd say he chose her, that would kill me.

@ Clem- I'm definitely gonna try it out. I was gonna buy the ranch but you said it was bad, maybe I'll just go for the chocolate dip, french onion and a salad dressing.

@Erin Rose- I wish I was still his girlfriend, but at the moment I'm not. He treats me well most of the time, and worries, he just has his days were he's an ass. This weekend wasn't so bad.