a fail to kiss is a fail to cope

I kept to 260 intake yesterday, and I feel good. I checked my weight this morning and I'm 87lbs again. I'm surprised. I guess the binging kicked up my metabolism. The next few days are planed out for now, like I said I'm sleeping over my ex's house tomorrow and saturday we are to go out for dinner. Possibly lunch as well though. One of our friends invited his girlfriend...
When he was trying to make it so she didn't come (cause he knows how awkward that would be)I was relieved, but we still aren't sure.
I hope she doesn't come.
I hope that me and him can get closer since we'll be together all day tomorrow.
I hope I can be close with him today.

I just don't feel like being let down. He calls me more now though, which is nice, and I don't know it seems so different. He does constantly ask me about my ED either, which is what I was afraid of. It also seems he wants to come with me to my mothers house for thanksgiving. I'm really happy about that. I want to consume every moment of his time...mostly so she can't have any with him. That's so horrible...but I don't care. Being around him is the only thing that makes me happy other than lower numbers on my scale. He's a healthier solution (even though I'm still going to want those numbers to drop.)

Today's plan:
peach (50)

Fiber one bar (90)
Total= 140

@Broken, Clem, Depressed Skinny Mess, and Erin Rose- That you so much for your support guys. I would hope to think that this is also another form of support about my ED and you guys are really helpful. I get all happy to see your comments and its really nice to be able to relate.

Your own stories of the people who know about your ED are really great too. It seems like most people are good at helping stop those binges. Or at least they try to. I didn't think many would be all supportive of the weight loss >.<

I included like one of my favorite songs that has been stuck in my head for days. I feel like it really relates to my ED. The reasons why I'm here and how I feel. I mean really:

"Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad oh it kills. 

But I know I'm a mess he don't want to clean up.

I have to fold cause these hands are to shaky to hold. 

Hunger hurts, but starving works, 

when it cost to much to love."

Fiona apple has read my diary or lived my life. <3 Its a great song I hope you enjoy.