With much difficulty I'm where I am now. Everything is awkward and strange.
I hate the way things are now. This is everything that I feared and there is nothing I can do now.
I'm here as you can see, fearfully, I'm not sure what to do exactly.
Do I keep the blog up, start a new blog? Abandon everything together and stay locked up inside my own head and rot from he inside out?
Not writing has been killing me. I can't stand the thought that my family looked through this, my diary almost. It wouldn't be a first for my mother. God What did they read? What do they think of me now?
I've changed the address but how long will that work?
I've changed the address but how long will that work?
I sat in my house all day today doing nothing. It was too cold and icy to leave, I have no money to travel.
I've been having a lot of trouble eating. When I go to eat, if anyone comes around me I just can't do it. I threw out some food today. By the end of the day I binged and purged.
Tomorrow is a fast...er today is a fast. Friday or Saturday is food shopping and I refuse to eat the crap in this house. I sure as hell can binge and purge on it though.
I was 88lbs again before I binged I don't know what tomorrow will be like. I'm terrified, I've ruined everything. I didn't exercise much.
I've been really depressed, on the edge, the only people who have helped is my ex and my best friend. I don't know whats going to happen or what I'm going to do anymore. I can't sink much lower.
-later-
Binging and purging has not helped my weight at all for the past few days. Its been all out of emotional stress and sheer hunger.
I'm still 88lbs but I thought I would start dropping down to 86 again, I wanted to be 85lbs for the weekend. Nothing for today. Usually if I set up a plan to fast I can make it through, But I will have to eat something tomorrow. I don't want to fast several days at a time.
@Kit -thank you so much for all the support. I really want to keep this blog up, its like my baby. I tried to use another site but,it wasn't the same. for now I hope changing the web address worked. I'll find out soon enough.
Saw Black Swan and loved it. Gotta see Drag me to hell, its supposed to have some hidden meaning that is about E's I dk. Thats what I heard, I'll have to see it.
-later-
Binging and purging has not helped my weight at all for the past few days. Its been all out of emotional stress and sheer hunger.
I'm still 88lbs but I thought I would start dropping down to 86 again, I wanted to be 85lbs for the weekend. Nothing for today. Usually if I set up a plan to fast I can make it through, But I will have to eat something tomorrow. I don't want to fast several days at a time.
@Kit -thank you so much for all the support. I really want to keep this blog up, its like my baby. I tried to use another site but,it wasn't the same. for now I hope changing the web address worked. I'll find out soon enough.
Saw Black Swan and loved it. Gotta see Drag me to hell, its supposed to have some hidden meaning that is about E's I dk. Thats what I heard, I'll have to see it.
I would love you to keep the blog up, I love to read your posts, but if you're really worried about someone finding it, I would say make a new one entirely (because not writing sounds bad for you ^^) and then be super paranoid about what you put up. Don't mention anything that could be linked back to you (pictures, locations.) and make sure to always clear your internet history. I know this is like basic stuff, but I really, really love your blog and would hate it if you had to get rid of it. But, it's entirely your decision, just stay safe. Take Care. *hugs, hugs, hugs*
ReplyDeleteHey thanks for the reply!! We have to stay strong!!!! Your close to my goal weight of 85 <3 I envy the shit out of u lol were same height too woop lol we can do this together!!! Xxx
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