Most of the time I never double post in a day. I usually just add onto my original post, but this requires a whole new post to address it.
And
And "royally pissed" doesn't even begin to sum it up for me here.
And "royally pissed" doesn't even begin to sum it up for me here.
I was sitting doing nothing really, I applied to like once place today and that was CPK. I suddenly get a call I don't recognize, but I don't screen cause not many people have my number and I just transferred to a new cell (well a while ago anyways)
I don't have all my old contacts cause I'm lazy.
I don't have all my old contacts cause I'm lazy.
...This is the conversation...
Woman : Hello can I speak to -my full fucking name-
Me: Yes this is her...
Woman: I'm calling to confirm your appoint tommorrow at 1pm.
Me: Appointment?
Woman: Yes, this is -my full fucking name again- correct?
Me: Yes but what appointment?
Woman: It's a doctor's appointment, in fact this will be the first time you will be coming to us.
Me: Oh really...we'll that's going to have to be cancelled.
Woman: Um..ok, Thank you.
My mother just so happens to be coming to see me tomorrow.
Was this apart of my expected intervention?
I mean I'm 21 she can't make me go regardless, but it really pissed me off if she did this behind my back. Even if it was my dad or my cousin or what ever, its not gonna fucking happen. Sneaking around my back does not help me.
It stress the fuck out of me. At first I was really mad, but then I began to freak out. I started to shake and panic. I didn't have an attack because I was talking online and it helped a lot. Like I said all my worse fears are coming to fruitation and like the drama queen I am, I'm over reacting and freaking out about it.
I'm an adult, I'm in control of this...but it doesn't feel like it. First they invade my privacy and now they are doing this.It's harmless I know because I can always say no.
So why does it get to me like this?
Why does it make me want to reach for my old blades?
...because fucking fasting all day hasn't done anything...
At least I'm not hungry..at all actually. I'm glad for that.
I'm going to work out as normal too at 9pm.
All in all I think I should feel the way I do, some of it I don't understand myself, I'm just too sensitive about it all.
Funniest thing is that they called me and I cancelled it.
So when my mom says "I schedueled a doctors apointment today, we have to go now."
I'll be like "I know, I canceled it."
Wow. Just wow. If I were your mother, I would try and convince you to go to a doctor's appointment and most definitely not do anything behind your back. I hate it when my parents do things behind my back and now they know I will just get angry and cut them out if they ever spring shit on me.
ReplyDeleteYou're not overreacting. You have the right to freak out, you are in control but your parents are trying to steal it back and interfere with it, which is making you want to take even more drastic controlling measures (fasting,) and when that doesn't help, SI to try to release some stress. Not trying to analyse you or anything, that's just the vibe I'm getting ^^.
I'm not trying to encourage you into not recovering (if that makes sense?), but it makes me laugh that you cancelled your appointemnt that your parents scheduled. They deserve it for going behind your back. (<.< I can be mean sometimes, even when it's none of my business.)
Take care darling. Stay true.
Whoa, that was probably the most awkward conversation....good thing you cancelled that appointment though because that would've came as a very odd surprise Friday.
ReplyDeleteYou have every right to be upset- with your folks invading your privacy and doing things behind your back without even talking to you about it. You're right, you're 21 (so am I ^^) and they can't make you do anything, especially since you're not living at home. If you chose to get better then that's your decision and yours alone and I think your family has got to realize.
I hope everything works out for you ♥