Ugly on the inside

Day 2 of being B/P free.

Of course I wanted too so badly today... because of the ugliest parts of me that crop up because I'm a painfully jelous girl now. I've never day dreamed on such horrible things before, no amount of fat, or physical flaws could make me as ugly as jealousy has.

But despite all my self loathing I made a little extra veggies for dinner.

Today's total comes in at  about 200 calories.

I've been eating a peach in the morning, a plain salad with red bell peppers, and then for dinner, some steamed/ sauteed veggies.All I've been having is pickles, peaches, asparagus, lettuce, broccoli, cauliflower, mushrooms and bell peppers.I'm trying to keep it at a max of 200 per day. I'm drinking green tea like crazy too.

Tomorrow is my workout and a 4-5 mile walk. I'll be staying over my love's house the next few days, so tomorrow is my last weigh in till friday night-Saturday morning.I've been really on edge from not being able to weigh myself properly. 

Today I'm down to 90lbs again...BMI 15.9

I want to be 89 in the morning...this is so sad.

I've a bet going with my loe that I can make it through this week B/P free and if I lose he will be making my meals for me for a week.

Failure is not an option...no matter how upset I am.

I was going to be royally pissed this morning alone because I thought I got my period. 

(This is really TMI)

Last summer I had a kidney stone issues and I had some blood in my urine. I also had horrible pains in my side that they took me to the hospital. I had a small stone that they said would pass on it's own and a kidney infection.

I was unpleasant surprised when I flushed first thing this morning and I've been having pain in my right side all day. For now I'll be taking pain killers, but if I get a fever or sick, that means I have an infection again and will have to see a GP or the ER...

Not good, my numbers will all come back very bad, blood, my weight in general.

No infections please.

My jealousy and my health have made me really ugly on the inside...

Ugh I'm off for a work out tonight.

@ Nikki and Ariana - Thank you for all the support <3 I'm hoping to do well with this diet, I really want to end the cycle, you're blogs in spire me all the time. Stay strong<3

I read a lot of blogs, and try to comment often, all of you are really inspiring, even in you're lowest days I see you guys get back up and it makes me want to get up again too.

<3Lots O love<3