Deal on my own thank you

Ok...why the hell haven't I lost any weight?

I'm still 88lbs...

I worked out for an hour yesterday and burned off like 250 cals, plus I didn't eat anything, and still haven't.

Ugh.

 Just talked with my mom, and that whole, doctor thing came true. It was hard not to laugh over the phone, but as I feared, she's just as stuborn as me (that's where I get it from). My mom says she's not leaving the city until I go to a doctor.

...Wonderful...

Then she was trying to guilt me by asking what I would say to her if my baby sister "was having the same issues" as me. Wtf, of course I'd be worried and upset, I fear that all the time for her. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. But my sister is 12 and I'm 21, its different, I'm not a little girl anymore, and I want to handle this on my own.

Bringing people in makes me feel like a huge fucking burden. 

No one else should have to deal with my crap. 

Period.

@ Ariana-unfortunately I am living at home...with my dad. He lives closer to my school and my old apartment was in a bad neighborhood, not to mention it was my Ex's place>.< But thank you for the support, I'm trying to be strong, I crack easily under pressure from my family, but I can be just as stubborn.

@Kit- Thank you again, it's really helpful to have support, I thought it was stupid to be so mad about it, like I was taking it wrong. Though talking to my mom I can never find the anger again.

She was like "why did you cancell it before talking to me?" 

"Why did you make it before talking to me?" 

But the convo was completely light hearted and we laughed. I love her so much, its hard to stay mad, even when she messes up.

@Nikki- Thanks a bunch Hun <3 I'm there for ya too, just wish I was at my UGW already, maybe I'd be happier.

 

Quiz from Hip bones of death's blog <3

Size: 00 (US)
Age: 21
Highest Weight: 118 lbs
Lowest Weight: 86 lbs
Goal Weight: 82 lbs

Favorite Diet Food?
Rice cakes, Vitatops, Healthy choice, Skinny cow and salad

Favorite Binge Food?
Cereal, cookies, cereal bars, nutella, poptarts, chocolate

Favorite Exercise?
Crunches, squats, running

Thinspo?
Victoria secret modeels, animated characters >.<

What Makes You Slip Up?
 When I smell my favoirite food and haven't planned out my food for the day. Fasting too much.

What Makes You Strong?
A good work out, When people pis me off and losing weight in general.

When Did It Start?
Since August 2010 its been at it's worst and a total obsession, but I've see-sawed from disordered eating to Anorexia since 2004

Does Anyone Know?
My best friend and her mom, My ex, My whole freaking family now, and my lovely readers

Do You Want Help?
I'm not asking for it, people keep offering. I really don't want to gain weight, but it would be nice not wanting to leap out of a window all the time.

How Many Calories Do You Consume A Day?
I like to stay under 500, though recently its been under 200...

What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror?
I like the shape of my butt, my arms have gotten pretty slim and toned, but my thighs are horrendous and my stomach is disgusting. Some days I'll like the over all picture but I think I always look bloated.

Are You In A Relationship?
No, but of cource I want to be... been trying to get back.

Is It For Attention?
Hell to the no. My life would be better off in all the people who did know didn't, except maybe my besty and my ex, they are really supportive, plus you guys.

Are You The Fat Or Thin One Out Of Your Friends?
Thin, but I still don't feel it, thats just what they keep saying.

Are You Depressed?
Unfortunetly

Ever Tried To Commit Suicide?
Yes and failed more than once...know one knows about it though...

Ever Been To A Psychologist?
Bout ready to see one, if my family has it their way he'd keep me...

Are You On Any Medication?
No.

I AM -
[Purging/binging sub type] anorexic
[] ednos
[] bulimic
[] living off diet pills
[ ] hungry
[] thirsty
[x] drinking something
[ ] eating something
[x] under 100lbs
[x] starving myself
[x] participating in a fast
[ ] vegan

PEOPLE -
[x] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[ ] call me fat
[x] say I’m skinny
[ ] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[x] spread rumors about me
[ ] force me to eat
[x] say I eat too much
[x] wish I’d eat more
[x] don't know I'm anorexic/bulimic
[x] have tried to stop me

I WISH -
[x] I was thin
[x] I had a better body
[x] I didn't have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[ ] I was under 110lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[ ] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was prettier
[ ] I could stop being ana/mia
[ ] I had a boy/girlfriend
[x] I could disappear

I LOVE -
[x] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference
[ ] shaking
[x] being weak (but strong at the same time)
[x] losing weight
[ ] being anorexic/bulimic
[x] green tea
[ ] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself

I HATE -
[x] when people stare
[x] being asked questions
[x] having to eat
[x] being single
[ ] wearing short skirts
[x] being fat
[x] looking ugly
[x] feeling this way
[ ] fat people

I NEED -
[ ] more support
[x] people to stay out of my business
[ ] more friends
[ ] someone to know
[x] less food
[x] more water
[x] a gym membership
[ ] to lose 50 lbs
[] to lose 30 lbs
[x] to lose 10 lbs