F I A

I don't know if you can be sad and happy at the same time?

My ex is pissing me off and the whole situation makes me more depressed than actually angry but...

 

Today I look really pretty 

(wow did I just say something nice about myself?)

I might be going out.

 Yesterday I handed in a application to game stop and they flirted with me. 

(so is that a good sign?)

My house looks nice and clean.

I feel great, cold... but great.

I'm back down to 86lbs!

 

My parents may be fighting over whose fault is it that I'm damaged. No lie, they just both keep coming to me talking bad about each other, blaming each other.

I went with my mom to a psych office for my god brother, and she went to talk with the therapist. 

I can die, this is serious, I won't get help on my own, if something happens to me my parents will be responsible.

I got a few talks from my aunt and my mom and they all seem stressed and worried out of their minds, so I was feeling like a peice of shit yesterday. 

The fact that I'm not ready to face my ED, go into recovery let alone admit to other people I even have one or have it in my records; all of this is causing everyone else pain.

I never wanted anyone to have to deal with this.

I'm not gonna feel down today though, I'm just going to enjoy my brief moment of happiness.

...So...

Fuck  It    All.

@Lis- Yea I really do need to be careful with my purging, I've almost done it every day this week, root canal or not. Thank you though, I'm trying, I wish it was easier to stop. >.<