Following the wrong path

I'm considerably pissed this morning.

88lbs damn it...

I'd gone two days fasting and not even on purpose I just didn't want to eat nor was I all that hungry, but I go out job hunting with my friends and they are like.

"Are you hungry?"

"You haven't eatten for hours"

"We can get you something soft for your jaw."
I kept telling them it was hard to eat anything since my saw was sore. This was actually the truth for once. But they were insistant.

We went to a dinner and got early bird specials.

I got a bowl of french onion soup, half a salad, 3 rolls, eggplant parmigiana, broccoli, sugar-free jello and then after that a chocolate chip muffi from Panera bread. It was a dinner so no cal counting, I just tried to stay vegetarian with it.

I get home with the intent of purging like I shouldn't because of my tooth, but its too late and everyone is home. My dad is there telling me he spoke to my mother and she wants me to go to stay with her for a few days.

A few days in another state with no way to leave on my own if I wanted to. She'll keep me hostiage, force feed me and drag me off to some doctor or program or something. Interventions, court cases, I don't know, but I have plans anyways.

I'm being dramatic but I wasn't in a good mood. So I ended up eating more binging, and of course everyone is all smiley because I'm eating.

Bowl of cereal, 4 table spoons of nutella, 4 Oreoes, a chocolate ricecake and 2 strawberries.

Then purge purge purge, I was 90lbs last night after it, now 88lbs. What the fuck?

I didn't really exercise because I fell asleep exhasted. And I walked around in a mall all day.

Why can't I keep 86lbs?

Why do I want to cry? I fucking hate this.

I love living in New york, at least

this amuses me....