I'm Supercalifragilistic-freaking happy!
GW2 90lbs baby!
BMI 16
Joy to the freaking world my weight is down!
I've been having a bad week and I have to sadly admit that this one moment of bliss has been the ultimate highlight. I won't let that fact get me down.
I'm going to hang out with my best friend today then sleep over my ex's house, sadly tomorrow night we are going out to eat at this place called Dallas BBQ.
The portions come in ; over weight, Obese and DAMN!
The prices for theses things are a little over my head too, and I hate asking for money with a passion.
I love my dad, but I always feel guilty asking, this is why I want to have a job.
I'll have to see what I can do, It's not like I'm actually going to eat much anyways lmao.
But what ever today will be good and nothing can change that because I'm 90lbs today.
Sorry but Fuck everybody else. None can kill this for me.
Just watched this vid on forget to remember me blog.
Part one hit me so hard. I cried, but it was a good cry. I just wish it was like that for me, in my life now.
Sometimes even when things about my eating disorder get me happy, reaching a goal, making though the day with out eating, staying in my calorie range, I still feel empty and alone. I still feel like I can't say a word of it out loud, that its my darkest secret, my darkest sin (and I don't even believe in sins.)
That lonely emptiness hurts more than anything. More than hunger, more than failing.
My ED separates me from everyone and everything, in the end, I'm all alone with Ana and Mia.
That scares the hell out of me, yet i can still feel happy, from such stupid gains or rather losses. I wish I could be a normal girl again, that I could throw it out, but I'm not strong like that.
It's not easy like that.
I've tried to just be like normal girls, like the person I used to be, but it only made me feel like killing myself, litteraly killing myself, time and time again thinking about it and then crying for hours.
Coming so damn close.
Screw that!
I don't want to be there again. I've got what I've got, I feel alone but, fuck it all, I'm going to enjoy what little happiness I can grab.
I'm freaking awesome today!
I'm not gonna tell myself how many flaws I have until it drives me nuts.
Today is a good day (a cold one), and I'm happy.
I'm happy.
Part one hit me so hard. I cried, but it was a good cry. I just wish it was like that for me, in my life now.
Sometimes even when things about my eating disorder get me happy, reaching a goal, making though the day with out eating, staying in my calorie range, I still feel empty and alone. I still feel like I can't say a word of it out loud, that its my darkest secret, my darkest sin (and I don't even believe in sins.)
That lonely emptiness hurts more than anything. More than hunger, more than failing.
My ED separates me from everyone and everything, in the end, I'm all alone with Ana and Mia.
That scares the hell out of me, yet i can still feel happy, from such stupid gains or rather losses. I wish I could be a normal girl again, that I could throw it out, but I'm not strong like that.
It's not easy like that.
I've tried to just be like normal girls, like the person I used to be, but it only made me feel like killing myself, litteraly killing myself, time and time again thinking about it and then crying for hours.
Coming so damn close.
Screw that!
I don't want to be there again. I've got what I've got, I feel alone but, fuck it all, I'm going to enjoy what little happiness I can grab.
I'm freaking awesome today!
I'm not gonna tell myself how many flaws I have until it drives me nuts.
Today is a good day (a cold one), and I'm happy.
I'm happy.
Congratsss! I´m glad you´re feeling this way =)
ReplyDeleteHave fun tonight
xx
WOW! Congratulations!!! <3
ReplyDeleteYou ARE awesome, no matter what;
Keep up the good work!
xx