Last day of food and I really want
...pizza...
$3.50 crispy bottom chicken and broccoli pizza. So far I've had 2 100 cal icecream bars, and my 80 cal cereal. I ave a mini bag of popcorn in my bag (100) and a rice cake snack pack (90). I'm debating on the pizza or just going home and using the left over 230 of my 800 cal day, for a healthy choice meal. It's pasta though and I'm sick of pasta, I want pizza.
On top of that little dilema, yesterday I made a 2.6 mile treck (120 cals burned) to the mall. O the way I slipped on ice and nealy slammed my face into the ground, thankfully I didn't. But I gashed my hand and banged up my knee. It hurts to walk still. So I hobble to the mall for my health o meter scale and they don't have it. I get one that would equally surfice for a cheaper price and I get to the register and it's not the price that I saw its almost 15 dollars more, and I only have a 20 dalloar gift card.
So I'm upset and I turn up to look at the cashier and she lokks at me and it's my couisn. She helps me get the 15 dollar scale with a discount but, my cousin saw me buy a scale.
That's not at all sucpicios...
I end up taking the bus home because its way to cold and I'm hurting too much. I try out the scale and it sucks, it was totally off. I know my scale is accurate because it shows the same weight as my mom's digital scale, it's just I want a digital scale to get point values and for it to be clear. This thing was off 3- 5 pounds. I have to bring it back now. I still haven't gotten to path mark for my dang chocolate dip. I'm not at all in a good way. Class is today and for the next two days is fasting time. One cup of green tea each day and 8 cups of water or tea.
On top of that I'm a bit pissed off and my ex's girl cause shes all like "I haven't eaten for 3 days". This bull happened before. I don't even believe that she did it now because she didn't last the day the last time she said she wasn't going to eat, and it's offensive to me because I have to actually deal with this crap... everyday. It's offensive to him because he has enough issues with getting food. He must really hate that I'm like this with food. I'm bringing him a bit of food today and if I get my pizza I'm a pull off most of the chicken, (might leave myself a bite or two) and give that to him.
How I wish I was normal, but I'm scared of gaining weight. Scared of the numbers going up, scared of losing control, scared of being guilty and feeling like I've failed myself for something that comes so simply to everyone else.
I look in the mirror and I see fat and flab. A bloated tummy, jiggly thighs, no butt, no bust, to wide waist, too short hair, untoned everywhere.
Imperfect without end.
I don't think anything is perfect I'm sure as hell no where near it and it kills me, because I feel like I have to be. I'm not good at much of anything, not useful of talented. But at least with this, I accomplish something, staying thin, if I'm pretty at least I have that. At least I'll be useless and pretty.
I'm working on the useless part (ie finding a job and trying to learn something in college.)
Thinspo of my day. Now if I only had the boobs and ass for this XD
haha nice thinspo! She has great tits.
ReplyDeleteI hate when people who obviously dont have EDs are like, I havent eaten. It makes me feel like absolute shit.
Go for the pizza! It sounds really nice, plus you cant eat pasta forever!!!
xxoo
I HATE those type of people who brag about not eating..makes you feel like crap. Let yourself have a little pizza :) That way if you get the urge to binge, you wont because you have fulfilled your craving xx
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