happy holidays

This is quick cause I'm not really up for writing and I want to spend some more time with you know who. I'm leaving again (this time on my own) to visit my mom for Christmas. I'll be back the 29th though. I'm giving out my gifts late this year because I have no job and no money, so that sucks.

What sucks more is that I am 94 lbs.

I am still sick. This cold has had me gaining so much. Not to mention the fact that my mom will again stuff my like a prized pig. She bought all my favorite food.

All my binge food too, and I'm all alone. 

Although I haven't purged in 2 weeks. Which is really great, but may also be responsible for this weight gain, because I have still been binging, not as badly, since I don't want to purge.

I really hope I can write while I am at my mom's, but I really want to drop back down. 

My ex wishes I would go to 95lbs. I'm terrified of crossing that bridge. I need to get back down to the 80's again. I want 85.

I don't feel comfortable. 

I'm not sure what to do. 

Right now I'm still sick and there isn't much I can do.

I wish I had the strength to work out at least, I'll try on my vacation.

Hopefully writing again soon.